because idling is such sin, and having fun such transgression, i knew it wouldn’t be long before my parents started asking when i’d get my act together and start looking for a job. so i’ve dragged myself on from what little motivation i had to perhaps just a little more now, because i went and got my resume picture taken (”wah, looks like a bank teller… uh… the pretty ones on the poster ads, though!” — J, in one of those afterthought saves) and — now for the hard part — need to get my resume done.

and i dug through every single piece of writing i’ve done for magazines, re-bitched inwardly about all the times my articles were sliced down by editors, hunted for all the pictures i thought i liked then but now look at and feel a rush of embarrassment by the cliched angles, the done and redone subjects, the archaic style… rummaged through CDs of the same, figuring which i should put in a portfolio — should i just bring my whole room and be like, nah, it’s 90% rubbish, but at least it’s 100% volume or just bring a couple and pretend to be “focused” and “specialised” and “to the point” and “goal driven” and all those buzzwords people go for these days?

i spent all morning on the webcam. at first, it was just talking. then we started bringing the webcam in and being a Nose or an Eye or a Mouth or an Ear. then we tried to do our own thing but kept inadvertently commenting on the other and making each other self conscious. then we tried to stare down each other for a bit.

then i went downstairs and made tea and watched ice cubes melt. and then i watched more ice cubes melt.

but what’s so sinful about all that!

that’s a term i picked up from lester ledesma, a great photojournalist i had the privilege to meet several times. he started these “oddcam” outings, where people with junky cameras (vintage ones, non-mainstream russian copies or even self-built ones) met and went shooting with them. despite the number of junk cameras i have (due to a history of compulsive ebay-ing), i never went with them because they always went on a sunday morning when i have church — and i’ve never really enjoyed shooting in a group, for that matter either.

today, a friend who was studying in the UK came to visit and gave me this camera he bought me from a flea market. and it totally rekindled my interest in these old cameras, because i’ve fallen off my film-only high horse recently, having almost completely embraced the digital lifestyle, so to speak.

this one, as pictured, is a GB Kershaw 110, circa 1950. it’s cool because it’s a folding bellows camera, which means that it’s the traditional type where there are bellows (the accordion-looking bit which projects the lens out) and folds nicely into a compact shape. it takes 120 film, which means medium format — something i’ve never made the move to try before. which also means that i might start developing film again at home, should i start shooting around with this.

it’s all very exciting, especially since it makes me feel a little nostalgic. no, not about the ’50s — about developing film, since i used to do it on a regular basis. it was pretty therapeutic, actually. now i just surf aimlessly in place of that, instead.

at a subconscious level, i’m also aware that my little hobbies and timewasting activities are just ways of my delaying having to write up a resume and actually start looking for a job.