This is Otis. He is a cow. That’s right. Otis is a cow—a boy cow. Otis’ father, Ben, is a big, butch cow who’s in charge of the farm they live on, with other caricatured animals. I meant butch as in big, mean, tough and so on, not so much in the dykey sense, but I might as well have, since by all anatomical laws, cows are usually female, and that makes Ben one manly girl.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for artistic expression. The other farm animals are odd, cartoony versions of the real thing, which could go in two directions: amplified cuteness or strange deviations of nature. In this case, they mostly lean over towards the latter, and while that’s fine by me, I draw the line at male cows, with jiggly, pink udders. Much like nipples on a man, they don’t serve any function on the cows in the film.

There is a bull, by the way, but he’s just in the background, appearing in one flash scene where he rides a mechanical rodeo man, and at the end, where he gets weepy eyed at the birth of Otis’ girlfriend’s little calf. Thankfully, the calf is not biologically Otis’. C’mon, it’s a family show. Otis’ girlfriend was already pregnant when they met.

Yeeah.

Ben, by the way, also abides by natural laws. He is also not Otis’ biological father, but he found him and raised him as his own.

This might be the first ever film to actively include the smaller part of society that was brought up by a single, transgendered parent. May no one accuse the writer of not finding a USP.

Unfortunately, the rest of the film flounders about in terms of finding empathy with the audience. Apart from a tear-jerking scene in the middle (okay, I cried, I cried!), it often resorts to lame cracks and slapstick physical humour to lighten the mood now and then. And while it remains predominantly a kids’ film with its message and targeting, that’s even bigger cause for concern, what with misleading messaging on affairs of cows and bulls and somewhat frightening scenes with coyotes.

Okay, I was frightened, all right?

See also: Barnyard’s official site and its unsurprising 23% rating on Rottentomatoes.