If you’re watching Who Wants to Be a Superhero in Asia on Star World, I’m sorry this is spoiling it for you, but quite predictably and obviously, Matthew Atherton (otherwise known as Feedback) won.

Okay, who are we kidding? No one’s watching that show. Except for me, of course, because I’m one of those people who can’t tear their eyes from uncomfortable sights, like a man throwing up on himself, or a bad dance act…or a bunch of people in ill-fitting PVC, week after week after week.

I guess what I’m most surprised about is how much of a fanbase he’s got going. Feedback may not have achieved far reaching fame, but there are fan groups, chatter online (oh damn, including this post), people petitioning because he didn’t appear for long enough in some Sci-fi show…What is going on?!

Anyway, let’s not kid ourselves. He didn’t win because his powers were cooler (he absorbs powers temporarily from video games, so for instance he can jump on goombas or throw fireballs if he’s had a Mario session) or that his conduct was more respectable; he won because he looks like a superhero, plain and simple—squared jaw, blue eyes and an unspeakable whiteness.

Please. It’s clear enough. When people around him started to get kicked off for silly reasons, you know the comic book people were reluctant to draw a comic about a pink fat superhero (who placed second, by the way) whose superpower is expanding even larger so she can trample on people.

That went out when King Kong died.

Update: Oh look, Season 2’s winner, too, is also stereotypically superhero-looking. You don’t need to watch the show to pick him out from the lineup.,