I didn’t think I’d make it in one piece, but here I am, 2008.

I won’t attempt to recount the year that’s passed, only to say that it’s been another year of learning, growing and hopefully remembering all that information now I’m done with it. More changed in 2007 than many of the recent years preceding it, but somehow I made it through—especially given my extreme distaste for change.

It wasn’t difficult electing a resolution for this year, either. (Sadly, I think this one’s been repeated more than once before, but clearly it’s back up for a reason.)

I need to lose weight. I mean, seriously. Not in the vague, hazy sense-of-body way my lamenting usually takes form. I mean it in the way that this last week has repeated reminders of the blimp I’ve inflated into so many times that I’m all but short of declaring a Code Red.

But out of all the dog-awful photos I took this week, clothes I squeezed into, weighing scales I threw out of windows, it is never ever necessary for some random ugly troglodyte to saunter up to you and notify you of your weight gain.

I know I’ve put on weight, you drainscum. Amid my own surprise at my expressed annoyance, I can only hope you enjoyed getting bitchslapped as much as I relished the look on your face as I dished it out.

Happy 2008!