My mother, whose TV-watching taste is dictated by the schedule programmers at our local TV station, has recently been into Martha Stewart, thanks to her show’s placement at the crucial noon slot that accompanies lunchtime for Mum.

Nevermind that we have cable. Noon is now Martha Stewart time, and along with that many a random nugget of home/wellness wisdom.

In a rare bout of the flu, I was home ill today and a captive audience to the five-minute life lesson.

“You know how some girls have those spider veins on their face? It’s because they eat spicy food,” said Mum at lunch, while I was reading the paper.

“Really? A lot more people in Singapore should have spider veins, then,” I said.

“Well, maybe it happens more to ang mohs, you know? ‘Cos I saw it on Martha,” Mum said.

Two minutes later, she returned. “Oh, I think we also need to stop drinking Diet Coke. You know artificial sweeteners give you dull skin.”

“How?” I asked.

“They’re bad for the liver. So…you know…bad skin,” Mum replied, knowingly. “And you know when you make fish soup, you shouldn’t boil the hell out of the fish. That makes the soup fishy.”

Given I’d never made fish soup before, that information was lost on me. I began absentmindedly separating the mushrooms and gingko nuts from the chawan mushi in front of me.

“Oh, I forgot you hate anti-cancer stuff,” she observed wryly, raising an eyebrow in disapproval.